I think this is going to be my last programming competition for a while. I’m done banging my head on problems and not solving them fully. It’s affecting my morale and I have too much of a competitive steak (seeing other people solve it doesn’t make me feel good). I would love to see myself as a smart person. It’s a central part of my identity but these contests keep laughing at me. I don’t feel smart. It’s distracting.
This is not a I give up.. but rather a I’m giving this a rest. I have high expectations of myself and I’m not meeting them. Maybe I need to read more stuff and then try them out later.. or really… Stop taking these challenges so Seriously!!! Argh!
There are other things to do. Other stuff to learn. Better ways of spending my time rather than just banging my head repeatedly for hours trying to solve problems that at the moment seem to be intractable or not to be..always so close yet so far away. Argh!. I’m done after this contest. On to more productive stuff. I have to look for projects I can contribute to.